‘’If she’s single, pretty and fit, she’s crazy.’’
This was a statement by a man. And I’ll be honest, I’m a little triggered.
It’s not because I disagree. But rather the fact that it suggests that women who are the opposite of those words, or who don’t fit all three of those descriptions are not crazy.
One of my bestest friends is completely neurotic. She’s pretty and fit but married and let me tell you, the stories she has told me about her husband and the things she has done are way beyond anything I could ever think up.
– she pretended to be an asian model on linked in and chatted up her husband to see if he’d take the bait
– she deleted an entire hard drive containing photos of him in his previous marriage and binned his previous wedding photos.
– she linked her phone to his so she could get into his emails and Instagram
– doesn’t allow his eldest daughter in their house or to speak her name
– checked his internet history, found porn and so gave the laptop a bath soak
I mean I could go on. And I know men who are equally ‘crazy’, pouring fish oil on car trims and leaving strategically placed make-up in the house, dating family members of their ex.
Ok so men may be more petty than crazy but my point stands.
And most often, the word crazy is used in the context of ‘its a bad thing’. If you ask my friend she’s say her actions come from a place of love, and the men from a place of hurt, anger or jealousy. But it’s interesting that all of these things are steered by emotions.
Now, I’m not saying I’m not crazy. I can definitely fall foul of my own emotions and I’ve done some pretty crazy things when that’s happened….
– I once text a guy who I hadn’t even been on a date with a fucking essay on how I felt such a strong connection and that him going quiet on me had really upset me and he was a cock blah blah blah – turns out his grandmother had died. Awks.
– I imagine any guy with dating potential in the role of groom and if he’d look good in an Elvis costume, and if I don’t think he could pull it off, I discount him immediately (have I mentioned how ambivalent to marriage I am)
– I do a social media trawl so deep that I wind up in a labyrinth of pictures and posts and can’t find my way back.
– I have put myself in places I know they frequent in the hope of running into them, and then ignored them when I do.
– I write a blog detailing all my emotions and thoughts
But are those things red flags? Do these actions that may be considered crazy to men really those of somebody imbalanced? Or is it rather a perception that an inability to manage and control emotions is a bad thing and so we should all walk round like robots? I wonder what my male friend thinks the appropriate adjective for his fellow males of the same categories is? A player? A flake? Emotionally unavailable? Has high standards? High maintenance? A pest? Abusive?
Some of those may well be fitting, but for the majority….
If he’s single, fit and handsome he’s a big fat scaredy cat. I’m going to start calling this Alpha Pussy.