Ok, let’s talk about pet names. Seeing as I can’t get ‘babes’ out of my head thanks to FD and his stupid fucking confusing fucking mind games! Might I just add that everybody at football, or anywhere for that matter, calls me by name, by surname or by nickname so babes is totally, completely, utterly out of the blue. A l i e n.
Why, Why, Whyyyyyyyyy? *cries with frustration, curls up on sofa, hugging my knees*
Ok, so it was New Years. Maybe he had a drink? That’s reasonable, it was New Years! After all a bevvy does tend to loosen ones tongue but look, many a merry word spoken is the sober truth. Right? So I can be hopeful.
Or maybe he wasn’t merry and he just used the term babes in a casual, friendly way. And yet, if that was the case, he’d have referred to me as babes long before now because we have been friends (OK ‘acquaintances’, whatever) for nearly 2 damn years. Why have I never heard him refer to anybody as babes, babe, bae, darling, anything?? Again, I can be hopeful.
It’s a pattern break. I am convinced. He meant it, he 100% thinks I’m a babe! Of course he does else why.would.he.say.it?? You can try and tell me otherwise. You there with your objective vantage points and external, non-invested views giving you total clarity on my desperate and pitiful situation. But I’m not listening…la la la la la. I don’t want to hear it. I want to be HOPEFUL. I need to be HOPEFUL, I need to know that he meant babes in a non-platonic way more than I need my next breath!
But I’ve been so caught up in his babes comment that I’ve completely missed the endearing pet names given to me by my dating arrghhpp matches; Home Slice, Red, and my favourite, Chopsy. In the space of a few days, these random men have put more effort and thought into a pet name for me than FD has after nearly 2 years of knowing me! And they actually reflect ME. They are personal. TO ME. Anybody can be babes. Fuck, I call my friends babes. I call the fucking jacket potato man on the corner babes!
Sooo nowwwww, not only am I dwelling on the fucking generic pet name given to me by a fucking generic man, who is acting very fucking generic and responding to it all in an equally fucking generic way (WHEN WILL YOU LEARN LUVVY?) but I’m suddenly very aware that I have quite possibly, unwittingly, had an impact on these Hinge men too. Getting this down on cyber paper was supposed to make things better, not worse. Instead I’ve gotta go overthink not just the one pet name given to me by one man, but 3 other pet names given to me by 3 other men. FFS.
Or actually, maybe pet names really don’t have that much meaning to them at all and I’m just doing my usual trick of reading into something that isn’t there. Perhaps I’m way off the mark about the impact I have had on these people and it’s just good natured stuff coming from good natured humans. I’ve never been pet named before, so I’m in unchartered territory, is this a sign? Is this what the emotionally secure, high value, good guys do? To build rapport and position themselves in a memorable enough way so they are not forgotten? Is…this…how…you…build…normal…relationships? 😧
According to psychology today (because they are the only
reasonably reliable website offering insight on this matter at such short notice, other than a bunch of tweens on Reddit), pet names are used to show affection and project tenderness leading to an emotional charge. Not only this but personal idioms are a sign of relationship solidarity. Seems accurate, its certainly why I apply pet names to people.
I so so so want to believe it is all of that. I want to believe that FD called me babes because he is feeling more comfortable with our relationship and confident towards me. I want to know that it is his version of affection for me and that he feels tenderness towards me.Is it too much to ask that he just loves me already, goddammit?! Actually, I wish that to be true for the Hinge men too, but I’m crushing so hard on FD it is borderline obsession. I just cannot shake it. Hmmph!! But there’s a niggle. In the back of my head. Saying ‘oh now wait a minute’. Maybe this is just clever trickery of the Menz, designed with purpose to lure women into a false trap. High calibre Menz probably have higher calibre tricks right? Creating a false sense of security; a pet name being a friendly blanket of comfort before they tear out this hopeful beating heart of mine from under it.