Getting the pet names thing down on paper actually had some unintended consequences. First of all, I discovered that I’m not all that invested in him. That’s a lie. I am. But I was asked what pet name I had given to him. The answer was I haven’t which seems very hypocritical on my part. Then I discovered that I had been clinging to this dear obsession of mine always using my ‘make the first move’ mantra as permission to be the one to initiate conversation or suggesting getting together for walks which was giving him all the power. He only suggested going for a walk once in the whole time we have known each other and instead of seeing this clearly for what it was, I allowed my crush on him to steer the entire boat. This newfound clarity actually has me feeling a little embarrassed, it’s ok, laugh with me.
I could look at what we have messaged back and forth, and conclude there is definitely something there, I mean there is no denying that the lobster thing was a future plan and you don’t meet many people where you can fill a 7 hour walk with nothing but conversation. No seriously, you try talking to somebody for 7 solid hours. Perhaps I’m just trying to save face? But yesterday, I accepted that I have no power in this and the only way to reclaim it, if that is even still an option, is to let go.
I’d considered doing this in February anyway because remember his whole ‘I have been hurt so I would need to take thing slow’ line? I figured 3/4 months would be enough time for him to decide if he wanted to take things forward or not. Highly reasonable of me I think. As somebody who does not know how to slow burn, this seemed like a compromise. Having discussed this whole sorry mess with by BFF, she came to the same conclusion as me; Friendzone by February.
And with the added benefit of online dating which I didn’t have in the last two months where I have been embarrassingly dripping my desperate intentions all over the place, I’ve learned very quickly who is interested or not. Not necessarily invested, but interested. If I go a couple of days without a message, the interested ones get in touch. Even Chris, the ‘fair-haired Jamie Dornan’ got back in touch after we decided his desire to not have children in life meant we were at opposite ends of the dating spectrum. I have remained steadfast and resolute and politely told him no thank you. It was hard y’all, but I did it.
So how to apply this to FD? Well, it’s easy on a dating app where you don’t know people and their intentions are already clear, you’re on a dating app! The dynamics of dating someone or making your interest known to someone you already have in your life though? Someone you know through a hobby or sport? That’s a bit more tricky to navigate. Yes, I know, I’m making up yet another excuse for him. But I’m not really, I went through the same thought process when I was debating whether to take it forward or not. But I actually decided to take it forward. He doesn’t seem to have done the same, So yes! Buck up your ideas otherwise it’s Friend-zone February for Football Dad.
Then yesterday, I had to share on the football group chat that we won’t be going back to training until middle of Feb at the earliest, which means on top of the 3 weeks we have missed over the Christmas period and add together the 6 weeks we will now not see each other thanks to Lockdown 3.0, we will not physically see each other for a total of 9 weeks! For anybody who was even remotely interested in another human being, that would not be good enough and would trigger a reaction of action. No matter how teeny tiny small.
Instead, FD replied with ‘Yeah, take care Lou x’. He added a kiss to the message. On the group. For all to see!!!
He fucking friend zoned me first.