So yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I started the day with cuddles from my mini me and bacon sandwiches. Please bear with this blog post. It’s long because I’m unpacking. Thanks very much.
Come lunch-time my phone was a hive of activity. I had messages from Gamer Geek, Ex-Colleague & Mr Big. I also got messages from The Pilot, Boyfriend No.3 from last year and Nathan. Rolls eyes.
Mr Big’s was complimented with a photo, I’m not complaining, it’s exactly what I expected. Nathan’s was complimented with a message about a documentary my team are currently taking part in …seriously eye roll, Boyfriend No.3 started telling me all about his woes…snore and ex-colleague figures I would have an Amazon van full of cards and gifts waiting for me….are you on this planet? The Pilot promised me we’d do something NEXT YEAR, but didn’t fail to mention that we might be out of lock down by 14 March S&BJ Day. I told him I’d gone vegetarian and left it at that.
But Gamer Geek?
He asked me my food order, took down my address and ordered me a Valentine’s meal which arrived at 6:30 and it was delicious. He even offered to get my mini me dinner to.
Is this guy for real?! I’ve never ever met anyone so thoughtful. Honestly, he is boyfriend material, check boxes left and right. Kind ✅ Thoughful ✅ Honest ✅ no red flags ✅ has a job ✅ owns his own place ✅ no baggage ✅ funny ✅ proactive ✅ what is not to like?
Oh yeah….the heat 🛑 There’s just no physical desire. Yet. I’d really love it to build because honestly, right now, I do not have a bad word to say about him. But how long should it take for physical desire to build. I know we are in an unusual dating world right now, and getting to see someone in different settings, casual, dresses up, socially, alone is not even an option! It took 6 months of friendship with my sons dad, but 6 months feels like it’s too long. But we’ve been chatting and ‘almost dating’ for nearly 2 months…do I remain patient?
And I kinda feel guilty. Is that normal? I didn’t feel any guilt with my previous menu, well maybe a little…but in the back of my mind was always a small voice telling me that these Menz were just filling boredom. Or only after something casual so there was never any reason to get too hung up, I was the good guy and them? Not so much.
But with Gamer Geek I feel different. I feel like the bad guy. I’ve not been shy to show some of my vulnerable aspects with him, but I’m nowhere near ready to get my kit off. The converse with Mr Big.. been quick to shed the clothes but I’m a bit of clam. Why? For fear he might not like me and not want to bang me again? Pahahaha. An unlikely story, and that question I just posed is evidence that my old ways and habits have not gone completely, nor that I am ignoring my previous choices; where I’d typically be led by my attraction rather than their investment and ability to meet my boundaries. Mr Big has the potential to completely undo all the hard work I put into my Mind, Body and Soul last year.
So let’s review boundaries:
Investment: Mr Big ❌- Other than to set up a date, or to talk Smut? Minimal. He did travel to me. And he also helped me with a job application. 3/10. Gamer Geek✅- homemade biscuits and flask of tea on a walk, Valentine’s food delivery, FaceTimes, reviewed my job application and gave feedback that was valid. Offered to buy my son dinner? 9/10
Communication: Mr Big ❌ – has remained in the DMs only. There’s no other type of communication. He always knows the right thing to say so a natural charmer and hits me up way more regularly that a ‘fuck buddy’ would, but it’s definitely a ‘one-trick Pony’ conversation. Together we can talk about anything, he’s shared some personal stuff, but I don’t think it’s anything that hasn’t already worked for him with another chick. We laugh. We banter. We flirt. 5/10 Gamer Geek ✅- Texts, phone conversations, FaceTimes and when we met for a walk we didn’t stop talking the entire time. Talked about his family, he opened up about his ex, his passions, his friends. I know all about his mum, his dad, his sister. He’s funny and witty and sarcastic. We talk daily, about whatever is going on. It’s quite random but it’s always ‘Tell me about your day’.9/10
Friendship: Mr Big ✅ – giving him a tick as we have a history, even if it is work related. Have I ever told you how many people get together in our workplace that have resulted in successful marriages? There is an ease between us (nakedness aside), a connection that I cannot give a name to,that simply makes me feel like I don’t have to pretend. If I want to be a funny Saint? I can. If I want to a slutty saint? No judgement. If I want to be a hormonal emotional wreck? Not problem, here have a hanky. He’s seen all my tornadoes of personalities over the years and still secretly, patiently, waited for the moment to strike.8/10 Gamer Geek ❌ – giving him a no here. Yes we’ve formed some kind of bond, but I’m still in the impressing phase. Not sure I can unleash my tornado of personalities on him and not scare him away. We don’t have an awful lot in common either other than our love for the outdoors, but opposites attract, right? 5/10
Chivalry Mr Big – ✅ a true gentleman. I just know this about him.10/10 Gamer Geek ✅- so far so good. Sets up dates, carried my bag, made tea, not pushy, very relaxed. Takes the lead when required. 8/10
Flirting: Mr Big ✅ 10/10 Gamer Geek ❌ just has not got there. He has hinted…but there’s be no real flirting, and I think I’ve just realised why I’m struggling to feel that physical desire 2/10.
Overall scores Mr Big 36/50 Gamer Geek 33/50
Oh yay. What a huge help all that was…FFS.