Fickle Feelings

The heart and mind are such fickle beings! My emotional rollercoaster continues and those thoughts and feelings on Mr Big and Gamer Geek have reversed in one day!

I had the day off work so I met with gamer geek and we did a 12 mile walk, spending about 4 hours together. We had a lot of fun, we laughed and talked. There were some moments of comfortable silence and at last…FLIRTING!!

Now, if this is not an advert to give a guy 3 dates before you make up your mind, then I dont know what is. This year so far has been weird. I started the year off obsessed with a guy for calling me ‘babes’ LOL! Then I found out another crush wanted to get naked with me, so I was like bring it on. Gamer geek and I realised today that we have been talking for 2 months and been on three dates. Not traditional dates because lockdown etc, but 3 walking dates, each progressively longer than the last and thus meaning more time spent together. And we haven’t missed a day of talking. And he’s been investing in all the right ways and I’m here for his consistency.

I have been matching the investment too – he’s baked biscuits, made tea, bought me dinner. I have cooked breakfast muffins and bagels and handed over breakfast when we have met. At the end of our 12 mile walk, he made me tea, and we got to talking about travelling later in the year once lockdown is over and travel restrictions are lifted. He invited me to tour Scotland with him. He did say – “its way too soon for me to ask you that I know, but if we are still dating by then, I would want you to come with me!” WOW. And my son. If there is one thing I absolutely love about Gamer Geek is his ability to consider my mini me in almost all aspects.

And today we finally started flirting. Well, he did, I tend to flirt all the time. We also kissed and I did not expect the lightening bolt that zipped through me. It wasn’t much of a kiss, certainly not a passionate one but it was enough to leave me wondering what a passionate kiss would be like. And despite the fact I have already bedded Mr Big, and despite the fact it has been amazing, I’m regretting jumping into that so quickly because I think I’d like to see what gamer geek is hiding between the sheets.

Brain: fucking slut!

Me: Hey!!!

There is something not quite right though. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it is just my own mistrust of it being too good to be true. Maybe there is the fact I have started sleeping with Mr Big and that is clouding some of my judgement because the crush is stronger than the newly acquired affection I have for GG? All my boxes are ticked, the heat was the last thing and whilst it’s not exploding, it’s definitely starting to build and that has me excited.

Is the crush on Mr Big just wishful thinking that it could turn into something more long-term? Dare I say it, but Brain was right: I’m already beginning to regret how I handled Mr Big from the beginning, using our typical office banter and filthy sense of humour, in my moment of weakness and loneliness and given the shit show that was FD, I latched onto the first bit of attention I got from a guy I actually like without any thought of consequences. And to make matters worse, we work together. I fucking hate it when brain overules me! But I got to give her credit, she does tend to know best.

Truth of the matter is, sex is amazing and I like it a lot, but it’s way more enjoyable when it is surrounded by the perks of a relationship. I always seem to forget this: Captain A, then The Pilot and now Mr Big.

So, if you have any tips on how I have this discussion with Mr Big, without hurting his ego and becoming the office gossip and facing any slut slurs, then I am all ears. 2 sex dates in feels way too soon to be this earnest, should I let it stew a little while longer? We haven’t booked our third one in yet because I’m making sure he pursues me, and I don’t chase. Childish game really, but hey, I’m not that easy!

Brain: Yeah you are

Me: …..

Published by


Welcome to my blog about my car crash dating life as a 30 something female.

7 thoughts on “Fickle Feelings”

  1. ” but if we are still dating by then,”
    Excuse me WHAT??? Are you aware that you are dating? In my books, dating = boyfriend status!!
    I read this post with my jar on the floor! from shock! and with drool on the side of my mouth, from that kiss that sounds just enough!
    Ok, listen ( well read) my brain says you should tell Mr Big that you have a boyfriend, tell him in bed, jokingly, you know, because you guys are just F buddies. Tell him you want to end things but he probably won’t want to, which is our secret wish. I imagine that’s how he, Mr Big, would eventually tell you about his new gf that he had sleeping over…. Mr Big screams of Fuck boy energy, the energy we can’t resist but we know it will crash! The sex is great so continue but make sure you say “that’s the last time” everytime you finish just so he thinks you are a good girl, you bad girl you!
    Now, GG!!! Oh my gosh he pulls my heartstrings, He’s a keeper! KEEP HIM!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Owww hell no! If he is boyfriend status then that means I am automatically girlfriend status and I’m not being a girlfriend or abiding girlfriend etiquette until a mofo actually asks me to be exclusive! 😂

      Mr Big is going in the bin. Unless GG is awful.
      Gah, that makes me awful.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. LOL… truly, I’m rooting for Gamer Geek!!! I feel like mr big will get over it, he himself (if I’m not mistaken) said he doesn’t get attached, boom… This is you detaching! But yes, the coworker aspect does muddle things up a bit.. 🤔🤔🤔 I have no good advice but do keep us in the loop lol.. God speed! 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I also say things like ‘I don’t get attached’. Which is true when I’m meh about them and so very NOT true when I like someone. I’m not attached yet anyway, and I know this because I got invited to a job interview and it didn’t even cross my mind to tell Mr Big but GG got all of my excitement.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s