There is one common factor in anything us humans enjoy which is….anticipation.
The pause between a joke and the punchline being delivered. The build-up to a long holiday weekend, the anticipatory wait between days before you get to spend time with your girls or the countdown to a foreign holiday. And nowhere does anticipation have its greatest effect than with sex.
Now you may argue that anticipation does not last when it comes to sex. I mean once you have bumped uglies, the intrigue is gone and you know what you have to look forward to. But anticipation doesn’t die as soon as you have sex, it just has to adjust slightly.
In my experience, building anticipation is one of the key ingredients to attraction. Flirting is dynamite and is highly underrated (louder for those in the back).
And I don’t mean sexting. Although that has its power too, flirting in the tradition sense, has a greater power though. The dry wit and sarcasm, leaning into personal space but not touching them, the little touches when you walk past them or need them to move out of your way. These things hold a power that no amount of sexting can bring.
I will align my recent experience: Mr Big and I started building anticipation 6 years ago! We have spent 6 years flirting with each other. And all that anticipation turned into some nasty ass sex. This meant that the whole build up to sexy time was almost unbearable. However it has not sustained itself, sure I fancy him, still do, but the flirting has stopped and all I have to look forward to are some x-rated texts. Even they have stopped and I’m still pretty sure the whole thing has ended as abruptly as it started. There really is nowhere to go to build anticipation when the aim of having sex has been met. And once you have sex? All that chemistry that builds up vanishes. Along with the freedom and confidence to flirt. And without flirting? Yep. No anticipation.
Gamer geek and I spent a night together, and then a morning in bed. We explored and we both wanted to take it further, but neither of us showed any signs of rushing it. So we didn’t. And as most experts will tell you, delaying sex only builds more desire which in turn builds the anticipation making the ‘deed’ all that more sweeter. This worked both ways too…the following night gamer geek returned and we hit it.
It was the kind of sex I haven’t experienced in a long time. Gentle, unhurried and tender to start with, ending up in a passion fuelled frenzy. With recent sexcapades, it’s only ever been passion fuelled frenzies. Quick to undress, quick to the goods and quick to orgasm. Well…not that quick, but you get my drift.
And I am convinced that this was all because I didn’t make moves to fuck at the first opportunity. It’s not my usual stance in these situations, I’m as horny as the next person and changing old habits is hard but on this occasion I made a different choice and got different results!
And the anticipation has remained. Innuendo is an art form in itself; the ability to say things that gets the brain to work without being explicit? Desire. The ability to trick another person to build in their mind a picture is sexy AF. This is what I have been missing. One of my boundaries was flirting. I graded communication and chivalry higher, but honestly, I think flirting tops them both. Instant physical attraction dies over time, but flirting is forever. Flirting is bae.
And I’ll prove it to you with one simple image: Imagine you are 80 years old, wrinkled, with a false hip, an aching body and dried up genitals…sex and physical attraction are pastimes that have long since been forgotten.
But you’ll still be able to build anticipation and flirt like teenagers.
You might not be able to act on it, but knowing that you both have a lasting commitment to make each other feel desired is a true reflection of two peoples devotion.
Now, how do I petition for flirting and anticipation to be added into marriage vows?