At the beginning of the year when I downloaded hinge, I felt like I had zero prospects. We are 4 months into 2021 and whilst I have reviewed my New Years resolutions, I haven’t really reflected much in my dating life and the patterns. So, that is what this post is going to attempt to do.
Since January 1st 2021, there have been 5 boyfriends (not actual boyfriends, but I’m still waiting for society to create the term for a boy who is dating or chatting or fucking, but where there is no defined relationship that would make them an actual boyfriend).
But 5?! Is that really true? Let’s go through them:
FD – he does count, remember the babes comment. Still influences my brain today despite no actual dates in 2021. But he’s in the bin. Never kissed. Never held hands. Just lots of weird games. Buy bye!
Remember Nathan? Yup, disappeared as fast as he appeared.
Mr Big – I ended this with a very polite message because I know I can’t continue to have sex with him and work with him without falling for him. Better to keep things normal now than face potential ruin later on.
Remember Jeff from Men are like Buses. Part 2? Well he has not moved out of my DM’s. Not suggested a date. Nothing. Urgh, see ya dude!
Gamer Geek – N’awwww.
Out of 5 men, only one of them shines and he looks damn fine in a suit. The others are nowhere near on my level of dating and honestly, it’s no wonder single women struggle…there’s only a 20% of finding someone almost decent and even then you might have to work really hard on your own personal appetite for men to make it work. Only out of 5 dates has potential and even then it’s no guaranteed because 10 dates in you find you’re not really that compatible?! Phew!
Look I’m not knocking dating, but in a world of busy lifestyles, finding the time to date 5 men for some women will be super super hard! And as we grow up, stronger and more independent than ever, I worry that single millennial women currently in their 30’s will end up pioneering a spinster revolution. Care homes and bingo clubs will be full of single ladies in their 80’s tearing up the floor with a bottle of Mad Dog 2020! Lord!
The world is NOT ready for that.
So we must stop it. Somehow.
The first place in our busy, modern, pro-gadget age is to weed out all the hook-up wannabe’s from those really searching for something solid and long-term on dating sites. The free apps just don’t have enough of a screening process.
Apps should have a questionnaire, the more you fill in, the wider the choice pool. If you only answer 5, you only get to view other prospects who could only be bothered to answer 5. If you answer 50, you get the pick of the pool – but only if you answered them with long-term intentions. Going for cocktails on a first date is not chivalrous. It’s not romantic. It’s lazy at best, and potentially dangerous at worst – drinks spiking anyone? Same goes for home movies, dinners, take-out. I only wanna be matching with someone who also agrees that a brisk walk in the fresh air somewhere public, or to grab coffee are acceptable first dates to see if the 4D version of those pictures is true to life. And that way, dating 5 different men might be possible if you want to increase your odds (assuming my questionnaire idea doesn’t pay off in the first place).
You know what else isn’t chivalrous, getting sexy before date 3. I say forget date numbers, how many hours have you spent with this person? I’m not knocking any bodies choices, but a guy who wants to invest in you will happily wait 3 dates, or 24hrs in term of total time spent together. Tbh, most men will wait longer than that if they are invested, but I’m assuming you also want to sleep with him so why play games??? Just do it. Whenever you feel comfortable, what I’m trying to say is that in my aforementioned dates, only 3/5 have not pushed for anything physical, although to be honest, one of them hasn’t even pushed to meet face to face so I don’t think that counts and the other is FD who also doesn’t count. 1 out of 5. Damn!
They were all funny. Mostly. Mr Big won the round with that one, but the fact they have all tried to make me laugh, tells me this is a flirting technique. This is how guys get a girl’s attention. 5/5
1/5 bought me dinner, or invited me over or made plans for a date. A real date.
They all like to talk about sex. Men huh? 5/5
FD, Mr Big and Jeff have all spilled their hearts out about various things, their past, their family, their friends etc. GG and Nathan, not so much. This could just be a case of different personalities, but interesting that I felt connected to Mr Big and FD more than the others. 3/5. Possibly a hooking technique.
Communication was a let down for all of them. Even gamer geek isn’t brilliant, but deffo better than the rest. 5/5 – men are just shit.
This blog post has no structure whatsoever. I may come back and tidy it up but that wouldn’t really reflect the way my brain is working today. And besides, if I was blogging for a living, I certainly wouldn’t be wittering on about my dating life, even if I do make some excellent points!
So, the dating app is paused for a bit. I managed to go 3 months on there, spoke to plenty of people and whittled it down to our Matthew.
We really haven’t connected much on an emotional level so that’s what I’m working on over the next couple of dates…Let’s watch this space!