Show me your pussy…

Click bait. Gotcha!

I’m going a little off topic here despite the title, though I’ll probably use dating metaphors and descriptions because that is my genre. But I wanted to share with you something I have wanted to do for a very long time…I adopted a furbaby!

He’s an 8 year old Tom Cat and a bit of a slut. He loves to be fussed, and be close and cuddle, honestly, I think he’s the best little spoon I’ve ever had. Right now he is curled up on my lap purring away, nudging my hand ever so slightly should I dare to focus on writing this blog for too long.

I’ve always been an animal lover. Ever since I can remember. When I was toddling about I used to pull on the tail of my Nans cat, Sooty. My version of showing love back then.

Then when I was 7 my Mum agreed that I could keep a pet Hamster. I was over the moon and named him Pepsi. I squeeze cuddled that hamster so hard I’m surprised his head didn’t pop off. Pepsi was clever and managed to figure out how to escape his cage, he’d always come back but not without first scaring the daylights out of Mum by scurrying across the kitchen floor.

Then when I was 13, I found myself the proud owner of a cat that just turned up at our back door and never left! Breezer was not very good in a litter tray and my Mum, not being an animal person, gave him up for adoption one day. I was inconsolable. But in hindsight, he was never really my cat.

Then at the age of 21 I adopted a very bouncy 18 month old Labrador cross who was affectionately named Dozy Rosie. Dozy was the light of my life. She saw me through all my major life breakthroughs; job successes, my first independent living, an engagement, a miscarriage, a baby, a breakup, my first house purchase, my heartbreaks. That girl was by my side through all of it, her unwavering loyalty and buoyant joy for life was all this girl could ever need. Sadly though, following a successful promotion which changed my working hours, I was no longer able to offer her the same loyalty and gratitude and my sociable puppy turned into a sad, lonely and depressed shell of a dog. I tried so hard to keep her and provide the happy life she deserved, but in the end I succumbed to what I knew was the best thing for her…after 9 solid years of furry friendship, she went to a new home.

I have never ever been so sad. I couldn’t breathe through the tears when the day to say goodbye came. I was losing my best friend, companion and emotional rock and there was nobody to replace her. She couldn’t be replaced!

That was 3 years ago and I’m still not over it, but I’m healed enough to be able to accept a new pet in my life.

And in comes Mordecai (not my choice, but I like that its a biblical), who I affectionately dub Mord de Cat or Lord Mord when he’s being a bumhole. Mord likes to high 5. He likes to paw. He purrs all the time. I can’t go anywhere without him trailing at my heels. He likes to pad and he snores. He plays fetch and chatters to the birds in the morning (who needs sleep anyway). He’s got a preference for chicken and ham and bread. He likes to be held like a baby and have his belly rubbed. Actually, come to think of it, I’m not too sure he is a cat. He’s certainly not what I expected which is furry ball of fluff with an air of ‘I’m too good for you Hooman’. All I have to do is feed him, rub his belly sometimes and give him a cuddle to receive his version of loving. If only Human men were that easy.

I look back on my animal owning life and wonder why I am a pet person. None of my family have ever kept pets, unless a few fish count (it doesn’t 😉). I’ve always had this in-built need to look after something that isn’t me, which is a huge joke because I can’t really look after myself. I just about manage to scrape through raising a boy child, which some might describe as dragging up. Motherhood is hard. I wouldn’t change it though.

But providing pets with emotional and physical needs? No problem! Devoting time, attention to pets? No problem. Give up an afternoon of my own social life to just be with a pet? N O P R O B L E M!

But if a man asked any me for any of those things? Noooo way!

And that is because a pet will not break your heart. Not directly or on purpose anyway. Rosie did snap the heel chewing on my favourite pair of shoes once though. And Breezer broke my heart by not keeping his mess in the kitty litter. Meh, he was fickle anyway.

Mord has been with me for a month nearly, so there’s still time for him to break my heart in his non-vindictive way, but for now, I’m just enjoying the cuddles, the companionship and the new sounds of purring filling my ears.

Are you an animal lover?

Gamer Geek #2

There are two things that really turn me on in a man. Independence and banter.

Don’t get me wrong, I am superficial too. I like a guy to have a certain look, a twinkle in his eye, to dress well and to take care of himself. I just rate independence and banter higher.

And so it’s a good job Gamer Geek has those two in spades. Because he has none of the other qualities. Don’t get me wrong, he’s cute. In a puppy dog eyes kinda way, not in the twinkling eyes way. His dress sense is somewhere between indie rock and grandad which is not helped by the long limp hairstyle he is currently sporting. I will forgive him though, none of us have had a haircut in the last 3 months and he’s obviously planning one because he said I wouldn’t be able to pull his hair for much longer. Shame. But ok.

Thing is, I’m not interested in gamer Geek for his outward look. He has wonderful values that gel with mine. He has hobbies to keep him busy and therefore I don’t feel pressure to fill his time. We enjoy similar things, playing games, sports (football and tennis) and he’s the first guy I have met who enjoys hiking more than I do and doesn’t need to wait for me to organise things, he’s very proactive in that sense. Oh, and if you didn’t guess from my nickname, he’s a huge nerd. He has manners, chivalry and a great sense of humour and I really don’t have to chase and keep making suggestions hoping he’ll take the bait, dating is easy and is a mutual back and forth and I don’t have to question anything. All wins in my little black book.

And this wouldn’t be typical of my blog without me describing the bedroom antics.

It’s definitely not what I am used to. Gentle and unhurried. Just good old fashioned love making I guess? I dunno, it’s been such a long time since I’ve experienced truly sensual sexy time. It’s the type of sex I would expect 3 months in, which I suppose we are. But there’s no sense of urgency, and I think we all want to know that secretly we wish we were ripping each other’s clothes off and doing it where they land instead of always moving up to the bedroom. And actually, I’m very surprised at GG’s lack of big dick energy considering he could also have the nickname Mr Big. He doesn’t turn me on in quite the same way though, I don’t get those immediate pangs of ‘I want you now!’ when I look at him but that’s OK right? We’ve slept together three times, I didn’t orgasm the first two, but I still enjoyed it immensely, I was super turned on and writhing about, making noises that I didn’t know I could make! But I’m still worried that I’m gliding into something with no real foundation, I don’t want to waste anybody’s time. Yes I’m being open to a slow burn, but what if I never get those immediate pangs? We’ve talked about a weekend trip in June, so I’m pretty confident he likes me because he’s also quite hard to read but what if I’m still only half-assed about him by then?

Nice guy, with his own interests, a job, his own place, no baggage, chivalrous, funny, we like similar things, sensual, generous.

All those qualities, absolutely nothing wrong with this guy.

And yet, I’m questioning if it’s right. Geez!

Do I need therapy?

FD #7 or is it #8?

At the very first second of the very first minute of the very first hour of the very first day that I was conscious of this 2021st year, I read the following words ‘Happy New Year Babes’.

And those four little words created an excitement in me that I just couldn’t contain. So much so, I told everybody who would listen about it…you guys, my lovely readers, my friends, my colleagues. Even my Mum and I don’t tell her anything (because she doesn’t need to know that her daughter is a hoe). And for anybody who doesn’t know the history of FD (Football Dad) then please view nearly all posts published between October and January. I then spent a good 6 weeks obsessing over his uncharacteristic pet name, despite the fact, as it turned out, that that was the end of his investment and effort in our ‘what could have been’ relationship.

And you might be wondering ‘why on earth is she re-hashing this old story? Bringing him up?’ Don’t worry, I can hear you all shouting ‘let it go, love!’

But the reason I am bringing it up is because I went back to football training tonight and as this is how we know each other, he was there. I saw him. Looking all fine in his shorts and t-shirt, flexing his muscly arms and winning smile. And instantly I remember why I crush on him. Damnit!

And of course he was keen to say hello, and crack a joke.

I was not so warm.

I promised myself I would be my usual friendly, chatty self. I wouldn’t let the humiliation affect my interaction with him. But I am not made that way. And truthfully, I was pissed. Pissed at him for showing up looking finer than Adonis himself. Pissed at him for being chatty and friendly like n o t h i n g has ever potentially happened between us. Pissed at him for not helping me with my balls. Pissed at him for smiling and forcing me to chat and hold his eye contact.

Just pissed.

And you know what I’m pissed at even more? Myself. For allowing the feelings of frustration and anger to seep in and not be indifferent to the whole thing like I so desperately wanted to be. I’m obviously not over it.

The good news is, I don’t feel the same intense level of crush on him. Yes, I’m attracted to him but I don’t feel like I want to act on it anymore. And added to that I found myself disliking some of the endearing qualities that initially attracted me to him, his ‘loud’ presence and his height. I’ve never ruled out any man because of his height but I’d 100% tower over him in my heels, so I’m latching onto that. And he’s updated his WhatsApp status to ‘Road Man’ and whilst it might be a joke, I 100% deserve better than a god damn road man, Nike kicks, sweat pants and puffer jackets are not what I want to be sat opposite when I’m sharing my hilarious stories over a Malibu and pineapple.

So that’s progress.

Hopefully, all of that will continue to slowly turn me off, and the fact we are in contact again, no matter how small, doesn’t start re-ignite the fire….but if anybody has any tips on turning my pissy feelings into cool indifference then I would love to hear them!

Also…note to self. Don’t tell Mum anything unless you want to hear ‘how’s things going with that guy from football?’ forever!!

Witty Title – Anticipation

There is one common factor in anything us humans enjoy which is….anticipation.

The pause between a joke and the punchline being delivered. The build-up to a long holiday weekend, the anticipatory wait between days before you get to spend time with your girls or the countdown to a foreign holiday. And nowhere does anticipation have its greatest effect than with sex.

Now you may argue that anticipation does not last when it comes to sex. I mean once you have bumped uglies, the intrigue is gone and you know what you have to look forward to. But anticipation doesn’t die as soon as you have sex, it just has to adjust slightly.

In my experience, building anticipation is one of the key ingredients to attraction. Flirting is dynamite and is highly underrated (louder for those in the back).

And I don’t mean sexting. Although that has its power too, flirting in the tradition sense, has a greater power though. The dry wit and sarcasm, leaning into personal space but not touching them, the little touches when you walk past them or need them to move out of your way. These things hold a power that no amount of sexting can bring.

I will align my recent experience: Mr Big and I started building anticipation 6 years ago! We have spent 6 years flirting with each other. And all that anticipation turned into some nasty ass sex. This meant that the whole build up to sexy time was almost unbearable. However it has not sustained itself, sure I fancy him, still do, but the flirting has stopped and all I have to look forward to are some x-rated texts. Even they have stopped and I’m still pretty sure the whole thing has ended as abruptly as it started. There really is nowhere to go to build anticipation when the aim of having sex has been met. And once you have sex? All that chemistry that builds up vanishes. Along with the freedom and confidence to flirt. And without flirting? Yep. No anticipation.

Gamer geek and I spent a night together, and then a morning in bed. We explored and we both wanted to take it further, but neither of us showed any signs of rushing it. So we didn’t. And as most experts will tell you, delaying sex only builds more desire which in turn builds the anticipation making the ‘deed’ all that more sweeter. This worked both ways too…the following night gamer geek returned and we hit it.

It was the kind of sex I haven’t experienced in a long time. Gentle, unhurried and tender to start with, ending up in a passion fuelled frenzy. With recent sexcapades, it’s only ever been passion fuelled frenzies. Quick to undress, quick to the goods and quick to orgasm. Well…not that quick, but you get my drift.

And I am convinced that this was all because I didn’t make moves to fuck at the first opportunity. It’s not my usual stance in these situations, I’m as horny as the next person and changing old habits is hard but on this occasion I made a different choice and got different results!

And the anticipation has remained. Innuendo is an art form in itself; the ability to say things that gets the brain to work without being explicit? Desire. The ability to trick another person to build in their mind a picture is sexy AF. This is what I have been missing. One of my boundaries was flirting. I graded communication and chivalry higher, but honestly, I think flirting tops them both. Instant physical attraction dies over time, but flirting is forever. Flirting is bae.

And I’ll prove it to you with one simple image: Imagine you are 80 years old, wrinkled, with a false hip, an aching body and dried up genitals…sex and physical attraction are pastimes that have long since been forgotten.

But you’ll still be able to build anticipation and flirt like teenagers.

You might not be able to act on it, but knowing that you both have a lasting commitment to make each other feel desired is a true reflection of two peoples devotion.

Now, how do I petition for flirting and anticipation to be added into marriage vows?

’Witty Title’ Rejection

You can’t reject a man. There. I said it.

If you ghost, you’re disrespectful. If you’re honest, they just keep dangling the carrot hoping you’ll bite.

Unfortunately for me, I’m wired to bite. I need the last word. I won’t back down from a fight and this is built in stone. I have a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush and I consider my ability to weave words together to create a harmony of sweet and sting one of my greatest strengths. (On paper at least, I’m much less eloquent face to face).

But herein lies the problem. Men don’t like to be rejected. Heck, nobody likes to be rejected. Yet, the world makes out that it’s women that become the crazy bunny boilers and men are nonchalant. But in my experience, and I have been the crazy one on several occasions, men take it much harder than women.

This post isn’t designed to berate any particular gender, but I have no doubt that someone may be triggered if they happen to read this and I really don’t mean to do that; I’m reminded about the time FD triggered me many months ago by saying ‘If she’s single and fit, she’s crazy’ and my equally slandering retort of ‘If he’s single and fit, he’s an Alpha Pussy’.

And you might be wondering why I’m jumping on my soapbox about this?

One of my old ‘boyfriends’ The Pilot will not let me just drive off into the sunset in peace. I’ve made my position very clear about looking for something more than casual (dude, step up or step away) and despite us very clearly being on different pages of very different books, he continues to bait me. And when I don’t take the bait (and by this I mean ignore him), he throws a hissy fit.

When I do reply in kind, he sees that as a reason to push his boundaries and completely ignore mine. I should just continue to ignore him and let him have his man-paddy, but I respect people and ghosting is just not my style. Is this because I have a built-in need to please people? Or am I respectful? Blocking people is a very last resort for me because I do value connections that I have made with people. I’m not saying we’d be friends in the traditional sense though, so maybe I should re-consider my criteria for blocking? Or at least explore why I’m so reluctant to block?

Yesterday, The Pilot and I texted more in one day than we have the whole year. All because he doesn’t want to lose his booty call. Or at least, that’s what I think. And the reality is, even if I did want something casual, I’ve found that in Mr Big who is local and, quite frankly, scores way higher on the ‘Fuck Buddy-O-Metre’.

And I know a mans ego is a fragile thing and this is perhaps why I try and let down the Menz gently. It never works though. You gotta burn the bridge or they just keep trying. And trying. And t r y i n g!!

And the world wonders why women fear saying no and why ‘I have a Boyfriend’ is the only effective way of getting a guy off your back.

I think the whole point of this post though was that no matter which side of the rejection fence you are on…giving or receiving, the whole thing sucks!

Is it better to be a heartbreaker? Or be the one broken?

Gamer Geek #1

If ever this secret blog was discovered by any of the subjects I write about, I would be mortified. Not because I’m ashamed per se, but who would want to read the naked truth of our situation? Or read how crazy I really am. Or in the case of some, how brutally honest I have been about them.

If it was me being bought to life in words for the blogging world to see by somebody else, I think I would die from humiliation alone. But I’d definitely bring it up. So, just in case I am discovered by any of the men in my life, past or present…Hi!

The reason I’m writing that is because I have told GG about the blog! I’ve not given him a link or a name (hell to the no-effing-way am I that brave) but I’ve shared that I blog as an outlet to let my crazy out and put it down on paper. I said I might read him an example one day and he said OK. He’s not pushed it.

Why did I tell him? GG and I had a proper date at last. Well. A proper date under COVID….food, booze, games and a sleepover. He bought the food, booze, chocolate, even an Easter egg!! All I did was get a little loose-tongued after downing half a bottle of Malibu and a few Tequila shots (self-medicine for not getting the dream job) and provide a bed to sleep in. The booze was only there for losing the games we played but I clearly didn’t understand the rules. Or care for them tbh.

GG spent the night, we cuddled, made-out a little. We didn’t go all the way, despite us both wanting to, especially the next morning. Neither of us seemed in any rush and so we both just spent the morning laughing, cuddling, exploring, eating and sipping tea.

Before he left he asked me when he could see me again, and made it very clear that 2 weeks was too long to wait. The next night my plans changed, I booked a holiday (please COVID gods, I need some sun 🤞🏻🤞🏻) and watched a movie instead of hanging out with friends on zoom for a games night. I also got a new cat this week (more on this in another post) but if it wasn’t for this cat, I’d have been over his place and I’d be writing this post from his bed instead. I’m at that point where I want to spend more time with him but equally I don’t want to go and give him all my free time. This is a fine balancing act because I really do value my independence and I’ll only give it up for someone really special.

So, I am fully in camp GG. I’m still not fully crushing on him though as there’s still something missing, but whatever that is, I’m at a point where I’m willing to find it. Or at least try. And even if it doesn’t turn out to be anything serious or long-term, it’s nice to remember that I don’t have to be a sexual goddess to keep a man interested. Or rather I am more interesting than what I can do in the bedroom.

And anybody who says two weeks is too long to see me again, having witnessed the mess that comes with downing half a litre of Malibu and copious tequila shots, is a keeper!

Witty Title – Speaking My Truth

I am my own worst enemy.

I am at my most comfortable when I am led by logic. I am an emotional being, but truthfully I don’t really express my emotions. Well, that’s not true. I cry when I’m sad, I clench my fists when I’m angry, I blow hot air when I’m frustrated, I get the internal inferno in the pit of my stomach when I get jealous. I laugh when I find something funny and I smile when I am happy. No hang on, I smile no matter what. I feel positive when I’m happy. That’s more appropriate.

But my head overrides all of those emotions. What I mean by that, for example, is that when I cry, I give myself a set amount of time. I plan crying into my routine. And when that timer goes off, I dry my tears and I let logic brain take over. When I am frustrated, I let it alllll out, the steam is almost visible out of my ears and the red-headed side of me takes over. Again, its short-lived and once I have blown my hot air, the frustration subsides and I go on about my day. I am constantly trying to rationalise my emotions. Always asking ‘why do I feel this way‘ and whilst I do allow myself to feel, I don’t allow myself to dwell. I’ve always considered this a healthy way of dealing with it, not that I know how to deal with my emotions any other way, but for me, giving myself protected time to feel and express emotions means that for the rest of my day, week, month, I am a well-rounded human being.

The problem comes though, when I am unable to rationalise my emotions. And I’m slowly figuring out that when I can’t rationalise my emotions, it is because I have failed to speak my truth. And what happen’s when I don’t speak my truth? I dwell, I spiral. I become so fixated on the feeling that the situation brings, I cannot think of anything else, an this mostly applies to anything remotely related to a romantic feeling. I think because I don’t feel crushes on people very often, I don’t know how to process the emotion. I’m not competent in this aspect of my life because it occurs so infrequently, and giving myself protected time to feel a crush doesn’t work. FD was proof of this. And I didn’t speak my truth. I didn’t say ‘Hey, I like you and I would like to get to know you more, as more than a platonic friend‘. Instead, I let my actions do the talking, which in hindsight, may not have been enough. Or maybe it was and FD was just dense, but whichever, I got a big old dose of rejection.

I find the same thing happening with Mr Big because I am not speaking my truth. On reflection, at the point we started chatting, I got carried away in the excitement of a crush being into me. I was licking my very rejected wounds that had been opened by FD and allowed myself to be led by my attraction for Mr Big, the short-lived state of loneliness I was feeling and my sudden lady boner. And all this in spite of the fact the logic in me, the brain screaming at me that he is most definitely, absolutely, 100% a bad idea. 1. We work together (the whole reason why I have never acted on my crush in the first place). 2. The offer on the table is absolutely not what I want at this point in my life (being single is way more fulfilling than being in a state of ‘He likes me, but only enough to take my clothes off‘ and constantly wondering why I’m not valued higher). 3. He didn’t return swipe (there could be a number of reasons why) 4. History has taught me that I can’t crush on someone and come out of that with a happy ending (seriously, as few as there have been, all my crushes have been unrequited loves).

I can’t remember why I started writing this.

Oh yeah. Speaking my Truth. I was reading another blog post about strength vs happiness and how sometimes we fixate on being strong for fear of being vulnerable that we don’t realise that we are the own cause of our unhappiness. In that example, it was about completely removing an ex from the picture. But in my case, I’m using strength to get through a problem at the expense of my own happiness. I’m so busy trying to show how I’m this sexual goddess who does what she wants when she wants and makes no apologies for it (most of the time I am) but it isn’t making me happy. It didn’t make me happy with Captain A (took me 18 months to figure this out) It wasn’t that much fun with The Pilot (took me 10 months to figure that out). Both of those two were strangers though. I didn’t know them. I didn’t have an established relationship with them. I didn’t have the potential to run into them at work. It’s taken me all of 3 ‘dates’ to own up to the unhappiness of this situation with Mr Big. There is a plus side to all of this; I am clearly learning from my experiences. But the downside is that the sexy stuff, as great as it is, is just not fulfilling the needs I want and am quite clearly ready for.

I haven’t really heard from Mr Big in the last two weeks. This is by design, as I asked him to give me some space to prep for a big interview I have coming up. By and large he has kept his word, except for the one time where he sent me some smut and I called him out for distracting me. It would be nice to receive ‘Hope the prep is going well, I’m rooting for you at interview‘ or ‘Can’t wait to celebrate with you‘ because positive vibes is more or less equal to it happening in real life. (Mostly, not in my dating life though, duh). But, although I have asked for that space, I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I’m embarrassed to admit that I have probably spent more time thinking about the situation fantasising about what could be with Mr Big than I have on anything to with this interview. What the other side of this? If Gamer Geek had gone 2 weeks without saying hi, or without some encouragement and support for my big day, then I would have already cut him off. Brutal with one, totally pathetic with the other. All is NOT fair in love and war.

And it’s too late to do anything about it now, the Interview is Thursday; I’m not going to see Mr Big. And I need a face to face to speak my truth, rather than send reams of text over the Insta DM’s. So here’s my plan.

1) Confess my epic Tinder Fail to him. 2) Share that I have had a crush on him for a while. 3) Explain how I was led my emotions rather than the logic when we decided on what this was. 3) Assume that what I am saying may come as a surprise to him. 4) Give him the space and opportunity to digest what I have said.

I realise I have numbered a lot of things in this post, as if making lists will help me climb out the shambles of my life. But lists are what keep me honest. Like little personal milestones.

So wish me luck! And if you are wrestling with an internal struggle, ask yourself if you are choosing strength over happiness, and if the answer is yes, then I urge you to speak your truth too!

Realisations – Is this the real life?

Let’s rewind and cast your mind back to Roaring 20’s, Boring 20’s where I made a huge list of New Year Realisations with the aim of being able to keep to at least one of them. As somebody who keeps herself accountable on all levels, let’s take 10 minutes to review.

1) Read a minimum of 12 books (once a month, not hard) – Well, I managed The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown in January. I started on Thomas Harris’s Silence of the Lambs in February but didn’t make it past the first chapter. As for March…. meh! But! I have spent an extraordinary amount of time researching (see 4).

2) Write 500 words before bed every evening (except Sundays. And Mondays. And Wednesdays). Ok fine, 500 words twice per week. – So let’s do some maths. It has been 10 weeks since we barrel-rolled into 2021. That means I should have at least 20 new blogs and the cumulative word count for those blogs should be 10000 or more. How many blogs have I written? 20 ✅ How many words? 15473 ✅. I am super super proud that I have met this one!

3) Continue spiritual and personal growth to feed the soul by connecting more with friends and family. – I have no idea what I even meant by this, perhaps I should have expanded. But I have been keeping on top of the chores which in turn is leading to better mental space for me. I have seen more of family this year than I did the whole of 2020. And I have definitely been more involved with my friends. Not necessarily seeing them, but keeping in touch more and reaching out more.

4) Feed my need to know things; continue to explore the world and how to help it through documentaries, news articles, published papers etc and look into taking a new class in Human Factors and Cognitive Bias. – So I have not take a new class. Yet. There’s still 9 months of the year left but I have been doing a lot of research on DNA techniques to differentiate between Twins, reading up a lot of papers regarding the performance and standards of the National Crime Agency and I have watched two documentaries on how severe weather poses a threat to the Earth and what we should do about it now.

5) Hike once a month with a 5km minimum walk once a week (checking off 100 greatest walks of GB). Those glutes will thank you babe (and so will he). – what is a hike? 10km? 10 miles? Doesn’t matter, I slayed both! And my glutes get all the glory from both Mr Big and GG 😉

6) Finish all the small little jobs left to do in the house. Renovation is a pain but so rewarding when the job is finally done. (Plus, do you want to be embarrassed??!) –Not even started. I got a name and a number. But my high functioning anxiety doesn’t seem to want to let me ring this person just to get quotes. Me and tradespeople just aren’t meant to be. So I’ll wait until I have a man and then he can help with this. Solid plan. Beside, they all want to be our hero don’t they?!

7) Chores are for rainy days. (Seriously, if the sun is shining, get your butt outside!) – wasn’t really a realisation, more of a reminder to continue. I did wash the car on one unseasonable sunny warm day. So technically I haven’t kept to this. Or have I?

8) Keep a diary to keep me honest with my realisations and create a vision board to see it all – Epic fail. Swiftly moving on.

9) Reduce screen time by 50% (Hahahahaha). – THIS! I have managed to reduce my screen time down by 25%! In a lockdown. Amazing. Not quite 50% but still, a win of epic proportions!

10) Continue to focus on nutrition and overall body health. – I’ve lost 1 stone since the start of January. That’s the equivalent of 6kg through a mix of exercise and eating good food. I have 15 minutes a day of MadFit to thank for this (Youtube, go check her out)

Not bad Saint, Not bad at all!

Me vs Brain – GG

Gamer Geek: I’d love to buy you dinner. Kind of

Me: OK?

Him: Come over, I’ll get us takeout and we can watch a film

Me: That’s a great idea, I’d love to.

Him: You’re welcome

Brain: Cow!

Me: What?!

Brain: He’s nice. You don’t deserve him

Me: Excuse Me?

Brain: You heard

Me: Why are you being mean

Brain: Why you pretending you’re not?

Me: I’m not. I’m single and dating. This is ok!

Brain: Is it?

Brain: You’re sleeping with someone else

Me: Fine, I’ll sleep with him too

Brain: Fucking Slut

Me: Hey!!

Brain: You want a nice guy. But you never fancy the nice guy

Me: …. Yet!

Brain: You won’t. Just let him down gently now, tell him you don’t want dinner

Me: I might, slow burns happen. Besides, I’m hungry

Brain: Slow burns do happen, but not this one

Me: Give me chance-

Brain: stop wasting his time

Me: I’m not. He’s ticking boxes

Brain: Not that one though. It’s a pretty big box

Me: It’s just a takeaway. Chill TF out

Brain: Rude

Brain: You know what it means

Me: means I won’t be hungry

Brain: No!

Me: ….

Brain: ….

Me: ….

Brain: pretty big thing to do. He LIKES you

Me: I like him t-

Brain: And he bakes you biscuits

Brain: and he makes you tea

Me: Yeah well I-

Brain: and he’s already invited you to Scotland!

Me: Doesn’t mean-

Brain: you’ll break his heart

Me: FFS! Don’t be so dramatic

Brain: I’ll make sure you spend all night thinking about Mr Big.

Me: Noooo, please don’t. I’ve told him we need a couple of weeks before we get together again so I can prep for this big interview

Me: Anyway, you soon changed you tune, what happened to Mr Big being a bad idea?

Brain: Breaking GG’s heart is a worse idea. I know you, you’d rather be hurt, that hurt someone else.

– 2 months later-

Him: I thought we had something special happening between us

Me: I think you are really great, I’m just not in the same place

Him: I’m so sad.

Me: I’m sorry. I really wish you all the best, you deserve someone special

Brain: you wish him the best?!! Told you he didn’t deserve you

Brain: Bitch!

F Buddy or C Buddy?

I have a question…

Are the post-glow chats supposed to last longer than the getting down and dirty when you are casually having sex with someone?

2 hours of play time followed by 4 hours of conversation doesn’t seem like the right ratio.

And is it ever impolite to say… ‘when are you planning to go home?’

Fuck Buddy is turning into Conversation Buddy real quick.