A case of the grumps…

Sorry. I’ve been awol.

I’ve lost a lot of the motivation I started out with this year. Is it the time of the year? Is it something in the air? Is it ok to lose motivation?

I’ve just finished celebrating my birthday. The guy I’m seeing has referred to himself as my boyfriend, so we’re official.

I got promoted at work. My football team are winning.

I have nothing to be grumpy about.

Maybe it’s the hormones, my period is due but that would only explain one or two days and not this incessant cloud of misery which has descended over me.

To make matters worse, my boyfriend is also grumpy because his football team lost their Europa cup final. And this is further making me grumpy. Like Pandora’s box. Has my grump created a confidence in him to be grumpy? Because that’s not how this works. I can be grumpy, he makes me feel better. He is not allowed to be grumpy because I can’t be arsed with emotional people.

I joke, kinda. I’m not insensitive, although some part of me thinks there are better things to be grumpy over than a game of football.

And I’ve been rather dutiful and asked how I can make him feel better, but I hit a dead end with ‘I dunno’.

So now I’m even more grumpy.

So I got the grumps which created the grumps which has given me the grumpy grumps.

Vicious circle.

Witty Title – The Journey So far

At the beginning of the year when I downloaded hinge, I felt like I had zero prospects. We are 4 months into 2021 and whilst I have reviewed my New Years resolutions, I haven’t really reflected much in my dating life and the patterns. So, that is what this post is going to attempt to do.

Since January 1st 2021, there have been 5 boyfriends (not actual boyfriends, but I’m still waiting for society to create the term for a boy who is dating or chatting or fucking, but where there is no defined relationship that would make them an actual boyfriend).

I digress.

But 5?! Is that really true? Let’s go through them:

FD – he does count, remember the babes comment. Still influences my brain today despite no actual dates in 2021. But he’s in the bin. Never kissed. Never held hands. Just lots of weird games. Buy bye!

Remember Nathan? Yup, disappeared as fast as he appeared.

Mr Big – I ended this with a very polite message because I know I can’t continue to have sex with him and work with him without falling for him. Better to keep things normal now than face potential ruin later on.

Remember Jeff from Men are like Buses. Part 2? Well he has not moved out of my DM’s. Not suggested a date. Nothing. Urgh, see ya dude!

Gamer Geek – N’awwww.

Out of 5 men, only one of them shines and he looks damn fine in a suit. The others are nowhere near on my level of dating and honestly, it’s no wonder single women struggle…there’s only a 20% of finding someone almost decent and even then you might have to work really hard on your own personal appetite for men to make it work. Only out of 5 dates has potential and even then it’s no guaranteed because 10 dates in you find you’re not really that compatible?! Phew!

Look I’m not knocking dating, but in a world of busy lifestyles, finding the time to date 5 men for some women will be super super hard! And as we grow up, stronger and more independent than ever, I worry that single millennial women currently in their 30’s will end up pioneering a spinster revolution. Care homes and bingo clubs will be full of single ladies in their 80’s tearing up the floor with a bottle of Mad Dog 2020! Lord!

The world is NOT ready for that.

So we must stop it. Somehow.

The first place in our busy, modern, pro-gadget age is to weed out all the hook-up wannabe’s from those really searching for something solid and long-term on dating sites. The free apps just don’t have enough of a screening process.

Apps should have a questionnaire, the more you fill in, the wider the choice pool. If you only answer 5, you only get to view other prospects who could only be bothered to answer 5. If you answer 50, you get the pick of the pool – but only if you answered them with long-term intentions. Going for cocktails on a first date is not chivalrous. It’s not romantic. It’s lazy at best, and potentially dangerous at worst – drinks spiking anyone? Same goes for home movies, dinners, take-out. I only wanna be matching with someone who also agrees that a brisk walk in the fresh air somewhere public, or to grab coffee are acceptable first dates to see if the 4D version of those pictures is true to life. And that way, dating 5 different men might be possible if you want to increase your odds (assuming my questionnaire idea doesn’t pay off in the first place).

You know what else isn’t chivalrous, getting sexy before date 3. I say forget date numbers, how many hours have you spent with this person? I’m not knocking any bodies choices, but a guy who wants to invest in you will happily wait 3 dates, or 24hrs in term of total time spent together. Tbh, most men will wait longer than that if they are invested, but I’m assuming you also want to sleep with him so why play games??? Just do it. Whenever you feel comfortable, what I’m trying to say is that in my aforementioned dates, only 3/5 have not pushed for anything physical, although to be honest, one of them hasn’t even pushed to meet face to face so I don’t think that counts and the other is FD who also doesn’t count. 1 out of 5. Damn!

They were all funny. Mostly. Mr Big won the round with that one, but the fact they have all tried to make me laugh, tells me this is a flirting technique. This is how guys get a girl’s attention. 5/5

1/5 bought me dinner, or invited me over or made plans for a date. A real date.

They all like to talk about sex. Men huh? 5/5

FD, Mr Big and Jeff have all spilled their hearts out about various things, their past, their family, their friends etc. GG and Nathan, not so much. This could just be a case of different personalities, but interesting that I felt connected to Mr Big and FD more than the others. 3/5. Possibly a hooking technique.

Communication was a let down for all of them. Even gamer geek isn’t brilliant, but deffo better than the rest. 5/5 – men are just shit.

This blog post has no structure whatsoever. I may come back and tidy it up but that wouldn’t really reflect the way my brain is working today. And besides, if I was blogging for a living, I certainly wouldn’t be wittering on about my dating life, even if I do make some excellent points!

So, the dating app is paused for a bit. I managed to go 3 months on there, spoke to plenty of people and whittled it down to our Matthew.

We really haven’t connected much on an emotional level so that’s what I’m working on over the next couple of dates…Let’s watch this space!

Witty Title – Fairytales

Once upon a time, there was a little Princess who was born into a less than privileged setting. She grew up strong and determined. She rebelled and forged her own path growing into a success, ambitious, independent woman. She had a fulfilled life with lots of love in family and friends and hobbies and interests that allowed her to explore her own personal knowledge and experiences.

But deep down, something was missing. She wanted companionship, somebody to share in her wonderful achievements and hobbies. Somebody to laugh with and make dinner with and hike with, somebody to support and cheerlead. Somebody to cuddle up to or make love to.

And one day, when she stopped worrying, and stopped overthinking, and stopped trying to guess, and just relaxed, Prince Charming knocked on her door (or iPhone App in this fairytale) bowed down in front of her and showered her with quality time, laughter and friendship.

For four glorious months, they chatted, went on adventures and dated. He bought food, she cooked, they found mutual enjoyment in the outdoors and films and sports such as tennis and football. They had their separate interests too and were able to spend time apart without getting bored or lonely or needing to fill up time with each other, even though the princess wanted to.

Now this fairytale princess took a long time to trust this Prince Charming. He was too nice, too secure, too normal, to look after a princess. And the princess kept asking ‘this isn’t quite right’ and ‘do I even like him’?

The Princess was scared to admit it. Because all her life she had experienced liking and loving someone with rejection. She had led a life of unrequited loves.

But, eventually, the day came where she finally accepted him, for who he was, admitting her attraction, admitting she had gotten used to his presence in her life. Wanting to explore beyond the superficial and dig a little deeper. He knew she was looking for a marriage. He knew about her Elvis superman status. He knew her bad habits, he was accepting of her and she was of him.

And so the story goes….

He ghosted her.

Gamer Geek #2

There are two things that really turn me on in a man. Independence and banter.

Don’t get me wrong, I am superficial too. I like a guy to have a certain look, a twinkle in his eye, to dress well and to take care of himself. I just rate independence and banter higher.

And so it’s a good job Gamer Geek has those two in spades. Because he has none of the other qualities. Don’t get me wrong, he’s cute. In a puppy dog eyes kinda way, not in the twinkling eyes way. His dress sense is somewhere between indie rock and grandad which is not helped by the long limp hairstyle he is currently sporting. I will forgive him though, none of us have had a haircut in the last 3 months and he’s obviously planning one because he said I wouldn’t be able to pull his hair for much longer. Shame. But ok.

Thing is, I’m not interested in gamer Geek for his outward look. He has wonderful values that gel with mine. He has hobbies to keep him busy and therefore I don’t feel pressure to fill his time. We enjoy similar things, playing games, sports (football and tennis) and he’s the first guy I have met who enjoys hiking more than I do and doesn’t need to wait for me to organise things, he’s very proactive in that sense. Oh, and if you didn’t guess from my nickname, he’s a huge nerd. He has manners, chivalry and a great sense of humour and I really don’t have to chase and keep making suggestions hoping he’ll take the bait, dating is easy and is a mutual back and forth and I don’t have to question anything. All wins in my little black book.

And this wouldn’t be typical of my blog without me describing the bedroom antics.

It’s definitely not what I am used to. Gentle and unhurried. Just good old fashioned love making I guess? I dunno, it’s been such a long time since I’ve experienced truly sensual sexy time. It’s the type of sex I would expect 3 months in, which I suppose we are. But there’s no sense of urgency, and I think we all want to know that secretly we wish we were ripping each other’s clothes off and doing it where they land instead of always moving up to the bedroom. And actually, I’m very surprised at GG’s lack of big dick energy considering he could also have the nickname Mr Big. He doesn’t turn me on in quite the same way though, I don’t get those immediate pangs of ‘I want you now!’ when I look at him but that’s OK right? We’ve slept together three times, I didn’t orgasm the first two, but I still enjoyed it immensely, I was super turned on and writhing about, making noises that I didn’t know I could make! But I’m still worried that I’m gliding into something with no real foundation, I don’t want to waste anybody’s time. Yes I’m being open to a slow burn, but what if I never get those immediate pangs? We’ve talked about a weekend trip in June, so I’m pretty confident he likes me because he’s also quite hard to read but what if I’m still only half-assed about him by then?

Nice guy, with his own interests, a job, his own place, no baggage, chivalrous, funny, we like similar things, sensual, generous.

All those qualities, absolutely nothing wrong with this guy.

And yet, I’m questioning if it’s right. Geez!

Do I need therapy?

FD #7 or is it #8?

At the very first second of the very first minute of the very first hour of the very first day that I was conscious of this 2021st year, I read the following words ‘Happy New Year Babes’.

And those four little words created an excitement in me that I just couldn’t contain. So much so, I told everybody who would listen about it…you guys, my lovely readers, my friends, my colleagues. Even my Mum and I don’t tell her anything (because she doesn’t need to know that her daughter is a hoe). And for anybody who doesn’t know the history of FD (Football Dad) then please view nearly all posts published between October and January. I then spent a good 6 weeks obsessing over his uncharacteristic pet name, despite the fact, as it turned out, that that was the end of his investment and effort in our ‘what could have been’ relationship.

And you might be wondering ‘why on earth is she re-hashing this old story? Bringing him up?’ Don’t worry, I can hear you all shouting ‘let it go, love!’

But the reason I am bringing it up is because I went back to football training tonight and as this is how we know each other, he was there. I saw him. Looking all fine in his shorts and t-shirt, flexing his muscly arms and winning smile. And instantly I remember why I crush on him. Damnit!

And of course he was keen to say hello, and crack a joke.

I was not so warm.

I promised myself I would be my usual friendly, chatty self. I wouldn’t let the humiliation affect my interaction with him. But I am not made that way. And truthfully, I was pissed. Pissed at him for showing up looking finer than Adonis himself. Pissed at him for being chatty and friendly like n o t h i n g has ever potentially happened between us. Pissed at him for not helping me with my balls. Pissed at him for smiling and forcing me to chat and hold his eye contact.

Just pissed.

And you know what I’m pissed at even more? Myself. For allowing the feelings of frustration and anger to seep in and not be indifferent to the whole thing like I so desperately wanted to be. I’m obviously not over it.

The good news is, I don’t feel the same intense level of crush on him. Yes, I’m attracted to him but I don’t feel like I want to act on it anymore. And added to that I found myself disliking some of the endearing qualities that initially attracted me to him, his ‘loud’ presence and his height. I’ve never ruled out any man because of his height but I’d 100% tower over him in my heels, so I’m latching onto that. And he’s updated his WhatsApp status to ‘Road Man’ and whilst it might be a joke, I 100% deserve better than a god damn road man, Nike kicks, sweat pants and puffer jackets are not what I want to be sat opposite when I’m sharing my hilarious stories over a Malibu and pineapple.

So that’s progress.

Hopefully, all of that will continue to slowly turn me off, and the fact we are in contact again, no matter how small, doesn’t start re-ignite the fire….but if anybody has any tips on turning my pissy feelings into cool indifference then I would love to hear them!

Also…note to self. Don’t tell Mum anything unless you want to hear ‘how’s things going with that guy from football?’ forever!!

Witty Title – Anticipation

There is one common factor in anything us humans enjoy which is….anticipation.

The pause between a joke and the punchline being delivered. The build-up to a long holiday weekend, the anticipatory wait between days before you get to spend time with your girls or the countdown to a foreign holiday. And nowhere does anticipation have its greatest effect than with sex.

Now you may argue that anticipation does not last when it comes to sex. I mean once you have bumped uglies, the intrigue is gone and you know what you have to look forward to. But anticipation doesn’t die as soon as you have sex, it just has to adjust slightly.

In my experience, building anticipation is one of the key ingredients to attraction. Flirting is dynamite and is highly underrated (louder for those in the back).

And I don’t mean sexting. Although that has its power too, flirting in the tradition sense, has a greater power though. The dry wit and sarcasm, leaning into personal space but not touching them, the little touches when you walk past them or need them to move out of your way. These things hold a power that no amount of sexting can bring.

I will align my recent experience: Mr Big and I started building anticipation 6 years ago! We have spent 6 years flirting with each other. And all that anticipation turned into some nasty ass sex. This meant that the whole build up to sexy time was almost unbearable. However it has not sustained itself, sure I fancy him, still do, but the flirting has stopped and all I have to look forward to are some x-rated texts. Even they have stopped and I’m still pretty sure the whole thing has ended as abruptly as it started. There really is nowhere to go to build anticipation when the aim of having sex has been met. And once you have sex? All that chemistry that builds up vanishes. Along with the freedom and confidence to flirt. And without flirting? Yep. No anticipation.

Gamer geek and I spent a night together, and then a morning in bed. We explored and we both wanted to take it further, but neither of us showed any signs of rushing it. So we didn’t. And as most experts will tell you, delaying sex only builds more desire which in turn builds the anticipation making the ‘deed’ all that more sweeter. This worked both ways too…the following night gamer geek returned and we hit it.

It was the kind of sex I haven’t experienced in a long time. Gentle, unhurried and tender to start with, ending up in a passion fuelled frenzy. With recent sexcapades, it’s only ever been passion fuelled frenzies. Quick to undress, quick to the goods and quick to orgasm. Well…not that quick, but you get my drift.

And I am convinced that this was all because I didn’t make moves to fuck at the first opportunity. It’s not my usual stance in these situations, I’m as horny as the next person and changing old habits is hard but on this occasion I made a different choice and got different results!

And the anticipation has remained. Innuendo is an art form in itself; the ability to say things that gets the brain to work without being explicit? Desire. The ability to trick another person to build in their mind a picture is sexy AF. This is what I have been missing. One of my boundaries was flirting. I graded communication and chivalry higher, but honestly, I think flirting tops them both. Instant physical attraction dies over time, but flirting is forever. Flirting is bae.

And I’ll prove it to you with one simple image: Imagine you are 80 years old, wrinkled, with a false hip, an aching body and dried up genitals…sex and physical attraction are pastimes that have long since been forgotten.

But you’ll still be able to build anticipation and flirt like teenagers.

You might not be able to act on it, but knowing that you both have a lasting commitment to make each other feel desired is a true reflection of two peoples devotion.

Now, how do I petition for flirting and anticipation to be added into marriage vows?

’Witty Title’ Rejection

You can’t reject a man. There. I said it.

If you ghost, you’re disrespectful. If you’re honest, they just keep dangling the carrot hoping you’ll bite.

Unfortunately for me, I’m wired to bite. I need the last word. I won’t back down from a fight and this is built in stone. I have a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush and I consider my ability to weave words together to create a harmony of sweet and sting one of my greatest strengths. (On paper at least, I’m much less eloquent face to face).

But herein lies the problem. Men don’t like to be rejected. Heck, nobody likes to be rejected. Yet, the world makes out that it’s women that become the crazy bunny boilers and men are nonchalant. But in my experience, and I have been the crazy one on several occasions, men take it much harder than women.

This post isn’t designed to berate any particular gender, but I have no doubt that someone may be triggered if they happen to read this and I really don’t mean to do that; I’m reminded about the time FD triggered me many months ago by saying ‘If she’s single and fit, she’s crazy’ and my equally slandering retort of ‘If he’s single and fit, he’s an Alpha Pussy’.

And you might be wondering why I’m jumping on my soapbox about this?

One of my old ‘boyfriends’ The Pilot will not let me just drive off into the sunset in peace. I’ve made my position very clear about looking for something more than casual (dude, step up or step away) and despite us very clearly being on different pages of very different books, he continues to bait me. And when I don’t take the bait (and by this I mean ignore him), he throws a hissy fit.

When I do reply in kind, he sees that as a reason to push his boundaries and completely ignore mine. I should just continue to ignore him and let him have his man-paddy, but I respect people and ghosting is just not my style. Is this because I have a built-in need to please people? Or am I respectful? Blocking people is a very last resort for me because I do value connections that I have made with people. I’m not saying we’d be friends in the traditional sense though, so maybe I should re-consider my criteria for blocking? Or at least explore why I’m so reluctant to block?

Yesterday, The Pilot and I texted more in one day than we have the whole year. All because he doesn’t want to lose his booty call. Or at least, that’s what I think. And the reality is, even if I did want something casual, I’ve found that in Mr Big who is local and, quite frankly, scores way higher on the ‘Fuck Buddy-O-Metre’.

And I know a mans ego is a fragile thing and this is perhaps why I try and let down the Menz gently. It never works though. You gotta burn the bridge or they just keep trying. And trying. And t r y i n g!!

And the world wonders why women fear saying no and why ‘I have a Boyfriend’ is the only effective way of getting a guy off your back.

I think the whole point of this post though was that no matter which side of the rejection fence you are on…giving or receiving, the whole thing sucks!

Is it better to be a heartbreaker? Or be the one broken?

Gamer Geek #1

If ever this secret blog was discovered by any of the subjects I write about, I would be mortified. Not because I’m ashamed per se, but who would want to read the naked truth of our situation? Or read how crazy I really am. Or in the case of some, how brutally honest I have been about them.

If it was me being bought to life in words for the blogging world to see by somebody else, I think I would die from humiliation alone. But I’d definitely bring it up. So, just in case I am discovered by any of the men in my life, past or present…Hi!

The reason I’m writing that is because I have told GG about the blog! I’ve not given him a link or a name (hell to the no-effing-way am I that brave) but I’ve shared that I blog as an outlet to let my crazy out and put it down on paper. I said I might read him an example one day and he said OK. He’s not pushed it.

Why did I tell him? GG and I had a proper date at last. Well. A proper date under COVID….food, booze, games and a sleepover. He bought the food, booze, chocolate, even an Easter egg!! All I did was get a little loose-tongued after downing half a bottle of Malibu and a few Tequila shots (self-medicine for not getting the dream job) and provide a bed to sleep in. The booze was only there for losing the games we played but I clearly didn’t understand the rules. Or care for them tbh.

GG spent the night, we cuddled, made-out a little. We didn’t go all the way, despite us both wanting to, especially the next morning. Neither of us seemed in any rush and so we both just spent the morning laughing, cuddling, exploring, eating and sipping tea.

Before he left he asked me when he could see me again, and made it very clear that 2 weeks was too long to wait. The next night my plans changed, I booked a holiday (please COVID gods, I need some sun 🤞🏻🤞🏻) and watched a movie instead of hanging out with friends on zoom for a games night. I also got a new cat this week (more on this in another post) but if it wasn’t for this cat, I’d have been over his place and I’d be writing this post from his bed instead. I’m at that point where I want to spend more time with him but equally I don’t want to go and give him all my free time. This is a fine balancing act because I really do value my independence and I’ll only give it up for someone really special.

So, I am fully in camp GG. I’m still not fully crushing on him though as there’s still something missing, but whatever that is, I’m at a point where I’m willing to find it. Or at least try. And even if it doesn’t turn out to be anything serious or long-term, it’s nice to remember that I don’t have to be a sexual goddess to keep a man interested. Or rather I am more interesting than what I can do in the bedroom.

And anybody who says two weeks is too long to see me again, having witnessed the mess that comes with downing half a litre of Malibu and copious tequila shots, is a keeper!

Witty Title – ‘Vanilla’ is the New Virgin

Men want sex. Women want romance. Don’t @ me.

Welcome to 2021 where gone are the illegal days of car meets, instead you cant even meets in groups of people! We cant meet loved ones for coffee unless you are in a bubble. You can’t go to a pub. You can’t even go to a restaurant for a meal, and you definitely cant be looking for romance and normal vanilla sex if you are on a dating app.

Why did we suddenly turned into a nation planet of freaks? Or when might be a better question?

I’m so conflicted with this. I love reading erotica books. I have a fairly substantial collection and I’ve had them since before the likes of Christian Grey and that other one exploded overnight. (Pun intended). What do I enjoy about them? The fantasy. The wonderfully scripted words bringing together a picture of a pants dance that I either wouldn’t have considered or set in such a way real life never lives up to. As the reader, I am the viewer. I conjure the images in my own mind, with my own ideas and my versions of the characters. I can imagine the sounds, the noises as described by the words and enjoy the pleasure ride that comes with it. If When I have applied fantasy to real life, not only do I not achieve the holistic pleasure I imagine when reading the books, I rarely achieve pleasure from bumping the metaphorical uglies with a guy who’s only main goal is his own pleasure. More often than not, acting out a fantasy is way less pleasurable that it remaining just so, an anti-climax. The absolute opposite of what you are trying to achieve.

As a result of my open-minded book adventures, I would consider myself to have a fairly broad understanding of different types of sex. I’d go so far as saying that my erotic addiction was fossilised way before E.L James and her Twilight fanfiction turned the mediocre colour of Grey into something that promises a lot more well…colour. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I am the founding mother of kink, although my sexcapades throughout my entire life have been a little on the dark and dirty side, I still absolutely LOVE vanilla sex. But in online dating, kink has replaced vanilla and vanilla has replaced virgin.

And you know what, i’m kinda thrilled. But you just said acting out fantasies are an anti-climax.

Yeah but I also said I was conflicted. I’m thrilled because you know what E.L.James and Sylvia Day did? They gave women power! They gave women the confidence and imagination to want better sex and more thrilling, enjoyable sex. It became less taboo to want awesome sex as a female. No longer were women satisfied with missionary after Eastenders on a Friday night, or being pumped from behind while their man grunted for 30 seconds…they suddenly wanted a butt plug inside them when going to the supermarket. They wanted bending over the kitchen sink, their hair pulled back with a belt around their neck. They wanted humiliation and domination and to be spanked! OK so some of those may be a tad too kinky, but women finally started expanding their horizons and seeing sex for their pleasure and enjoyment, cresting the waves of ecstasy to take back their power men had long since held.

And I have no doubt, (although not enough research done IMO) that couples everywhere benefited. Straight, gay, pan…the sudden gaffer tape holding back everybodys deepest darkest desires was surreptitiously removed from our faces and the gagging order on our intimate desires turned into a real gag, with everybody getting their rocks off.

The downside to all of this though? Men everywhere, E V E R Y W H E R E, became cognisant of this newly discovered power women had found, thus became the expectation of men that all women be kinky. It’s as if being a Virgin doesn’t exist, but only being vanilla is a flavour nobody wants to admit to liking. And if you are reading this thinking, my partner isn’t into that, go ask him. If he says no, he’s lying. I know kinky can be a way of life. I am very aware of secret clubs and fetish organisations where people will willingly whip you until you are bleeding. Or rope you up until you look like a suspended knitting doll. You can even be gang banged in these places if you so wish and there is never EVER a shortage of men waiting in line to be your carnal hero. Or it can be something dabbled in. But IMO, it should never be avoided. What you choose to do and how you wish to spend your days having sex is purely down to personal preference. In my experience a 90/10 split (the 10 being the kink) keeps things spicy and rarely boring. But back to my point…men suddenly only want adventurous or kinky women. And they are soooo quick to get to this conversation without realising it doesn’t need to be said. Or if it does need to be said, then there are clever ways of saying it without being too blinking obvious. The trouble is, men who raise it too early with women who have a kink about them are probably looking for something more substantial in a man than what the man can bring to the bedroom. Truly kinky women who only seek kinky encounters are more often than not looking for short-term partners. They enjoy the quick bursts of passion that comes from short-term matches. They seek polygamy, and in my experience the majority of the Menz who want the kinky stuff, don’t like to share. If the woman is submissive, they thrive on the desire of men towards them and pleasing the man. If they are Domme, well much the same. But whilst women are out there seeking advice from dating coaches asking what is wrong with me repeatedly questioning why men only want sex, men equally have zero idea when it comes to women. Boys, if you are looking for a long term, high value, kinky woman, then you should date her at least twice before bringing up the conversation, or wait for her to raise it. Sure, you might end up chatting to lots of women who are happy to talk kink and get into sexting quickly, and sure she might be kinky now but if that’s the only thing you really value in a woman, the majority of us are gonna think you’ll be pretty fucking boring over the age of 65 and that is why us we don’t see you as long term potential. I always try to offset anything sex related with ‘I think you have mistaken me for somebody you have taken out on many more dates’. If they get the hint then brill we continue and those are the guys that get to sample the goods. If not, then SAYONARA. OK fine, I might dive in with some fun, flirty, filthy finger-tapping if it’s a particularly dry spell, or actually get down and dirty if they are six kinds of hot…I am a red blooded female after all, but for sure I ain’t dating them!

I suppose what I am saying here is that it is no longer taboo for women to be sexual. Or sexually free. Inhibitions abandoned. The problem is that men have taken this to mean that they can obtain free carnal gifts from us without putting in any effort.

What a fucking liberty!

Men are like Buses

Is it any coincidence that in the week that I start online dating, suddenly every male friend I have in my life wants more? Can they see or just sense my dating aura has turned from red to green?

Or is it purely that I’m just open to a conversation now rather than ignoring people in my attempt to be more date ready?

Funny, huh?

Except FD *rolls eyes*

Reminds me of a poem by Wendy Cope: