I am currently sat next to my boyfriend while he plays a game called Destiny which he is super excited about as a new release landed today.
I say boyfriend, it’s not been officially confirmed or anything, I just know he’s my boyfriend and I’m his girlfriend…boys always need a few extra weeks to catch up don’t they and I’m pretty confident I’ll be getting a birthday card that says ‘to my girlfriend’ at the end of the month.
And although neither of us have referred to each other in terms of ownership (my man/my girl, not in a controlling way, calm down), this is how I know I am his girlfriend…my gamer geek boyfriend’s favourite game dropped a new release and he still insisted that I come over for dinner and spend the night.
I did say he could have his night with the boys, I really didn’t mind, I always have something else I can do, but he was adamant; he would play for a couple of hours and then the rest of the night was mine to do whatever I please. I mean, what kinda girl could turn down an offer like that? I also got the ‘you are amazing’ comment so I’ve earned some serious brownie points (again, not in a controlling way, but it’s give and take for when I accidentally half break his fingers when he tries to tickle me or ruin something in the wash, seriously…calm down). And so, this is how I come to be writing this blog, patiently waiting for date night, but secretly loving the fact GG is enveloping me in his world of virtual reality play which I just KNOW is a big deal.
A few other examples of things I consider big deals that I adore him for: I slept over last week and the sun comes up directly into GG’s bedroom, save for a few vertical blinds, it is bright!!!! I managed to nod back off with a second pillow over my head, so he went and bought me an eye mask. I spotted the mint & tee tree body wash I use in his en-suite as I got ready for work the next day. I also had a belly ache that night thanks to my period and he made me a hot water bottle. He has booked a weekend away for us in the Lake District and last week I was successfully promoted at work and to he showed up with flowers and wine to celebrate. His thoughtfulness and the kindness he shows me is nothing short of amazing. I don’t remember if I rated those things in my boundaries post back in November (Boundaries), probably because I’ve never experienced it, least of all on a scale like this. I need to do an updated boundaries post.
I wouldn’t consider myself an overly thoughtful person, but I have moments of inspiration that come to me. GG is a big fan of Godzilla. So much so that he has recently hung 7 framed Godzilla-related posters on his walls leading up to the top floor of his super geeky techy house. I love it. And he has yet to see the new Godzilla vs Kong film because cinemas are still not open here in the UK. So in order to payback some of his thoughtfulness, I have scored tickets to an open air cinema to watch said film this weekend. Perceptive and thoughtful. He’s also mentioned a new PlayStation game he would like, something called Returnal which looks hard as fuck because there are no save points, and once you die you go back to the start AND the game changes. I dunno how I have managed to retain this useless information in my head, I don’t need to know. And now I’ve imparted that same useless information to you. Anyway, I’m thinking I will buy him the game. It’s 70 smackers but gift giving seems to be his love language and I want to do something special for him.
That, or a blow job.
The point of this post though, which I am finally getting round to is about routine. Last week saw the start of the ‘routine’. What do I mean by routine? I mean, the point at which you realise you want them involved in the mundane stuff, not just the fun stuff. Or you remember the mundane stuff, not just the fun stuff. We went food shopping together. Then he asked me to stay the night after a late shift at work. Then we spent the next day working from home side by side. Then it’s tonight and I’m listening to one side of a 3 way conversation and watching strobe lights and fancy effects while grown men try to kill other men and hunt for treasure. I live for the routine.
It’s very easy to get accustomed to routine before you are ready or before you have had time to assess the red flags. Or you grow accustomed to their presence and so losing them becomes harder. The greatest thing I have learned over the last 12 months is probably that in order to get through life you must place a high value on yourself because no-one else will do it for you. Or maybe they will under-value you. Oh I can’t remember the quote, I’m rubbish at remembering things lately, unless it’s nonsense gaming stuff.
The fact that I have remembered the gaming nonsense is proof though that I care for GG, I like him. A lot. Am I falling for him? Hmmm…I think it is too soon for me to answer that truthfully. But doing the mundane stuff with him makes it better, even writing this blog sat next to him I feel more buoyed that usual. And I have a huge smile on my face. Urgh…I think I’ve turned into one of those people who just gushes over how a m a z i n g their boyfriend is. Its fine guys, feel free to call me out on it and bring me back down to earth. I guess because this hasn’t developed as a result of an overpowering, debilitating crush and it has been a slow burn, I’ve been able to build my own value. And work out GG’s value. It’s been so free of drama; totally not what I am used to. As for my other boundaries, there has been investment, flirting, laughter, chivalry and I cant even knock his communication. Would I like more random phone calls? Yes. Does it matter? No. That’s not to say that I would start accepting shitty behaviour, but I am confident if something didn’t feel quite right, I’d call it out and he would respond in a mature way. And if he doesn’t like it and withdraws then his loss, because I am steadily recognising what it means to be in a partnership. But that’s not gonna happen because GG is not one of the shitty men that I am so used to. I’m still a little bewildered that by giving it time, patience and space to grow I seem have broken my own dating pattern.
I don’t think I did that before with any of my prospects. I was too busy assessing their values and forgetting my own. I just couldn’t imagine doing any of this ‘routine’ stuff with FD or Mr Big or any of the ‘datee’s’ I have encountered in the last 12 months. And that got me wondering about whether a crush is actually a warning sign. It’s when all common sense leaves your body so that you are unable to judge the behaviour logically or rationally. It’s no coincidence that all my crushes have been unrequited loves.
And although nobody really knows what tomorrow will bring, I’m probably gonna wake up tomorrow to a cup of tea, I’m gonna shower with my mint/tee tree body wash, I’m gonna get dressed and log on to my laptop and we are gonna work side by side.
And if you are reading this thinking it sounds mundane and boring, I completely agree, but isnt that we strive for? And should all else fail…
GG – what have you done to me?