Witty Title – ‘Vanilla’ is the New Virgin

Men want sex. Women want romance. Don’t @ me.

Welcome to 2021 where gone are the illegal days of car meets, instead you cant even meets in groups of people! We cant meet loved ones for coffee unless you are in a bubble. You can’t go to a pub. You can’t even go to a restaurant for a meal, and you definitely cant be looking for romance and normal vanilla sex if you are on a dating app.

Why did we suddenly turned into a nation planet of freaks? Or when might be a better question?

I’m so conflicted with this. I love reading erotica books. I have a fairly substantial collection and I’ve had them since before the likes of Christian Grey and that other one exploded overnight. (Pun intended). What do I enjoy about them? The fantasy. The wonderfully scripted words bringing together a picture of a pants dance that I either wouldn’t have considered or set in such a way real life never lives up to. As the reader, I am the viewer. I conjure the images in my own mind, with my own ideas and my versions of the characters. I can imagine the sounds, the noises as described by the words and enjoy the pleasure ride that comes with it. If When I have applied fantasy to real life, not only do I not achieve the holistic pleasure I imagine when reading the books, I rarely achieve pleasure from bumping the metaphorical uglies with a guy who’s only main goal is his own pleasure. More often than not, acting out a fantasy is way less pleasurable that it remaining just so, an anti-climax. The absolute opposite of what you are trying to achieve.

As a result of my open-minded book adventures, I would consider myself to have a fairly broad understanding of different types of sex. I’d go so far as saying that my erotic addiction was fossilised way before E.L James and her Twilight fanfiction turned the mediocre colour of Grey into something that promises a lot more well…colour. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I am the founding mother of kink, although my sexcapades throughout my entire life have been a little on the dark and dirty side, I still absolutely LOVE vanilla sex. But in online dating, kink has replaced vanilla and vanilla has replaced virgin.

And you know what, i’m kinda thrilled. But you just said acting out fantasies are an anti-climax.

Yeah but I also said I was conflicted. I’m thrilled because you know what E.L.James and Sylvia Day did? They gave women power! They gave women the confidence and imagination to want better sex and more thrilling, enjoyable sex. It became less taboo to want awesome sex as a female. No longer were women satisfied with missionary after Eastenders on a Friday night, or being pumped from behind while their man grunted for 30 seconds…they suddenly wanted a butt plug inside them when going to the supermarket. They wanted bending over the kitchen sink, their hair pulled back with a belt around their neck. They wanted humiliation and domination and to be spanked! OK so some of those may be a tad too kinky, but women finally started expanding their horizons and seeing sex for their pleasure and enjoyment, cresting the waves of ecstasy to take back their power men had long since held.

And I have no doubt, (although not enough research done IMO) that couples everywhere benefited. Straight, gay, pan…the sudden gaffer tape holding back everybodys deepest darkest desires was surreptitiously removed from our faces and the gagging order on our intimate desires turned into a real gag, with everybody getting their rocks off.

The downside to all of this though? Men everywhere, E V E R Y W H E R E, became cognisant of this newly discovered power women had found, thus became the expectation of men that all women be kinky. It’s as if being a Virgin doesn’t exist, but only being vanilla is a flavour nobody wants to admit to liking. And if you are reading this thinking, my partner isn’t into that, go ask him. If he says no, he’s lying. I know kinky can be a way of life. I am very aware of secret clubs and fetish organisations where people will willingly whip you until you are bleeding. Or rope you up until you look like a suspended knitting doll. You can even be gang banged in these places if you so wish and there is never EVER a shortage of men waiting in line to be your carnal hero. Or it can be something dabbled in. But IMO, it should never be avoided. What you choose to do and how you wish to spend your days having sex is purely down to personal preference. In my experience a 90/10 split (the 10 being the kink) keeps things spicy and rarely boring. But back to my point…men suddenly only want adventurous or kinky women. And they are soooo quick to get to this conversation without realising it doesn’t need to be said. Or if it does need to be said, then there are clever ways of saying it without being too blinking obvious. The trouble is, men who raise it too early with women who have a kink about them are probably looking for something more substantial in a man than what the man can bring to the bedroom. Truly kinky women who only seek kinky encounters are more often than not looking for short-term partners. They enjoy the quick bursts of passion that comes from short-term matches. They seek polygamy, and in my experience the majority of the Menz who want the kinky stuff, don’t like to share. If the woman is submissive, they thrive on the desire of men towards them and pleasing the man. If they are Domme, well much the same. But whilst women are out there seeking advice from dating coaches asking what is wrong with me repeatedly questioning why men only want sex, men equally have zero idea when it comes to women. Boys, if you are looking for a long term, high value, kinky woman, then you should date her at least twice before bringing up the conversation, or wait for her to raise it. Sure, you might end up chatting to lots of women who are happy to talk kink and get into sexting quickly, and sure she might be kinky now but if that’s the only thing you really value in a woman, the majority of us are gonna think you’ll be pretty fucking boring over the age of 65 and that is why us we don’t see you as long term potential. I always try to offset anything sex related with ‘I think you have mistaken me for somebody you have taken out on many more dates’. If they get the hint then brill we continue and those are the guys that get to sample the goods. If not, then SAYONARA. OK fine, I might dive in with some fun, flirty, filthy finger-tapping if it’s a particularly dry spell, or actually get down and dirty if they are six kinds of hot…I am a red blooded female after all, but for sure I ain’t dating them!

I suppose what I am saying here is that it is no longer taboo for women to be sexual. Or sexually free. Inhibitions abandoned. The problem is that men have taken this to mean that they can obtain free carnal gifts from us without putting in any effort.

What a fucking liberty!